Deserve Read online

  Deserve

  By C.C. Snow

  Table of Contents

  Copyright

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Note from Author

  Copyright

  Deserve

  Copyright © 2016 by C.C. Snow

  All Rights Reserved

  Kindle Edition

  Photo from Depositphotos.com

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior permission of the author.

  Prologue

  Maggie

  The click of the front lock wakes me and before my eyes are even fully open, I am barreling out of the room.

  “Mommy!”

  I hop from one bare foot to the other, waiting for the door to open, excited that Mommy is finally home. Most of the time she works so late I don’t get to say goodnight. I tug on my waistband, trying to stretch out the elastic on my too-small pajamas. It’s digging into my waist, but Cael told me not to say anything to Mommy because she’d feel bad she can’t buy me new ones. I don’t want her to feel bad.

  The doorknob turns and then she’s there.

  “Mommy,” I squeal with excitement and run toward her.

  She bends down to hug me as I throw my arms around her leg.

  “Hi, munchkin.” She presses her cheek against my head and I sigh happily. She smells like the stuff she uses to clean the floors—bleach and something else—but underneath I smell her soap. I squish my nose into her thigh and take a deep whiff. I love Mommy’s smell.

  “What are you doing up so late?” she asks.

  I twist my head and squint at the clock. I don’t know why since I don’t know how to tell time yet. “Um…” I bend my head back to look up at her face. Mommy looks tired, but she still has a smile for me. She looks so pretty when she smiles. Her eyes are sparkling like green Christmas lights and her mouth reminds me of a picture I saw once at church. Cael told me it was a painting of the Madonna. I don’t know who that is, but she has my mommy’s smile.

  “It’s not late. It’s only five.” I hold up my fingers to show her that I know my numbers. Cael has been teaching me to read, too.

  “Try ten.” She laughs and nuzzles my nose with hers. I love it when she does that. She calls it an Eskimo kiss.

  I hear loud stomping footfalls and then my brother’s growly voice. He sounds like a grumpy bear. “You little brat! I thought you were asleep. Hi, Mom. Sorry, I put her into bed at seven like you told me to.”

  Mommy stoops down and picks me up in her arms. The smell of her soap is stronger now. I hide my face in her neck and peek at Cael. My brother is frowning at me and I stick my tongue out at him. “I wanted to see Mommy.”

  “It’s okay Cael. Thank you for watching her. I’m sorry you didn’t get to go to the movies.” She kisses him on his cheek and his face turns red. I don’t think he likes kisses and hugs as much as I do. “I’ll put her to bed now.”

  I press my chin on her shoulder as we walk away and I grin at him. He mouths, “Brat,” but I can tell he’s not really mad at me because he’s smiling too. I sorta feel bad about getting out of bed. I try to be good when Cael watches me, but I have something important to ask Mommy.

  I yell out, “Night, Cael.”

  “Night, Maggie.” With a wave, he disappears into his room.

  We have two bedrooms. I used to share one with Cael, but now my little bed is next to Mommy’s. She says he’s a teenager and needs his own space. I didn’t know what a teenager was, but the way she said it made me worry. When I had told her I didn’t want him to turn into a monster, she had laughed really hard and told me it was going to be okay.

  She tucks me back into bed along with my pink bunny and sits next to me. She looks sad and I reach out to smooth the lines on the side of her mouth.

  “How was work, Mommy?” I have heard Cael ask this question before and I want to try it out. I sound very grown-up, I decide.

  She laughs and smooths back my hair. “It was fine.” She’s quiet for a little while and she looks sad again. “How was your first day of kindergarten?”

  I turn on my side so I can see her face. “Good. My teacher is Ms. Allison. She is kinda grumpy, but I think it’s cuz she doesn’t have pants that fit her, Mommy. I could see she was so squished.” I wiggle and tug at my pants under the blankets. I know how uncomfortable tight pants are so I spent the whole day feeling sorry for Ms. Allison. “But it was good.” I pull my bunny close and give him an Eskimo kiss. “Mommy, why don’t I have a daddy?”

  She makes a funny sound, like I do when a piece of dry toast gets stuck in my throat. “Who asked you that, Maggie?”

  “Didi. She’s my new friend. Both her mommy and daddy were there and she asked me why my mommy and daddy weren’t there also. I told her you had to work, but my brother brought me to school and that he was big and strong and can take care of me and that I don’t have a daddy.” When Didi had looked at me with pity, I got a funny feeling in my chest, like there was a stone lodged there.

  Something shiny appears on Mommy’s cheeks and I reach out to touch it. I spring up on my knees when I realize she’s crying. “Mommy, don’t cry! I didn’t mean to make you sad.” Upset, I start crying too and climb onto her lap to hug and kiss her face. Kisses and hugs always make me feel better. “I’m sorry, Mommy.”

  “It’s okay, baby.” She hugs me tightly and the funny feeling in my chest goes away when she kisses my head and whispers, “It’s okay.”

  She takes a corner of her shirt, wipes my cheeks and then puts me back on the bed, tucking my bunny next to me.

  “I’m sorry I asked a bad question, Mommy.”

  “No, baby. You can ask me anything.” She stops and then her voice gentles. “You do have a daddy, but he had to leave.”

  “Why did he leave, Mommy?”

  Mommy takes a deep breath and places a hand on my cheek. “Baby, you see, in this world, there are people who look like grown-ups. They’re tall and strong. They talk like adults and they act like adults. Some of them even have important jobs, but on the inside, they’re not grown-ups. They’re little children. Your daddy was one of those people, Maggie.”

  “You mean he’s like Cael? Even though he’s taller than my teacher, he’s only a little kid.”

  “No, Maggie. With your brother, it’s the opposite. He’s a kid on the outside, but he’s been an adult on the inside for years.” Her voice sounds funny again, like she has a cold. “Your father looked like a r
esponsible adult on the outside, but inside he wasn’t really a grown-up so he didn’t know how to be a daddy.”

  I wrinkle my forehead, trying to understand her explanation. “Did Cael and I make him go away, Mommy? Was he scared of little kids?”

  “NO!” She snaps and then softens her voice. “No, munchkin. You and Cael have nothing to do with it. You are the best children a mommy could ever ask for. Your father left because he wasn’t strong enough. He was weak.”

  “He wasn’t strong enough to pick me up, like you and Cael?”

  “Something like that. He wasn’t strong enough for a lot of things.” She laughs, but it doesn’t sound like she’s finds it funny. I hold my bunny closer. “One day, when you find the right person, make sure he’s strong, baby. Strong on the inside. Strong enough to deserve your love. Strong enough to love you more than anything else in the world. Don’t settle for second best. You deserve everything.” She touches my chest. “Do you understand baby?”

  I don’t, but it seems so important to her and I say, “Yes, Mommy.”

  “Good. Now close your eyes. You have school tomorrow.”

  I obey and shut my eyes, but then another thought makes my eyes pop open with alarm. I whisper, “Mommy?” I twist my head to look at her in fear. If my daddy could decide not to be a daddy one day, can a mommy do the same? I put my hand on my suddenly hurting stomach.

  “What, munchkin?”

  “Are you going to leave Cael and me?”

  “Never, baby. Never.” She leans down and kisses my forehead. “I love you. I’d never leave you and your brother.”

  “I love you too, Mommy.” I close my eyes, but it takes me a long time to fall asleep.

  Chapter One

  Sean

  The tall blonde presses her tight body against me and a potpourri of perfume, beer and cigarettes reaches my nose, making me want to sneeze. Her red-painted fingers trail down the front of my blue button-down shirt and instead of finding it seductive, I feel nothing. I try to look at her objectively.

  Pretty face. Check.

  Nice tits. Check.

  Long legs. Check.

  Her fingers reach the top of my belt and slip suggestively into my waistband.

  She wants me. Check.

  If I had a type, this woman would be it—oozing sexual confidence and willingness—but there’s not even a twinge of interest below the waist and I sigh inwardly. I had agreed to come out with a few of the guys for drinks after work. I’ve been riding a dry spell for weeks and was hoping to end it tonight. This blonde had been giving me the eye all night and I had planned on taking her back to my place for a nice hard fuck, but my cock doesn’t seem to be cooperating.

  The fucker has been too damn selective recently. Fucking snob.

  “Baby, why don’t we go somewhere quiet?” She raises herself on her toes and whispers wetly into my ear, “I want to take this monster in my mouth.” Her hand snakes down to cup my crotch.

  I feel a slight stiffening in my groin. What man wouldn’t when a woman is fondling his junk and offering him a blowjob? But the interest is lukewarm and I grab her wrist to remove her hand from my dick. I’m just not feeling it tonight.

  In the back of my mind, I remind myself to make an appointment to see my doctor. It’s abnormal for a man to be celibate for this long, especially when he has never gone without for longer than a week.

  Some would call me a man-whore, but I don’t think I technically qualify. Doesn’t a man-whore fuck anything that has a vagina? I don’t do a lot of one-night stands. Okay…there have been a fair few of those, but for the most part, I like to date a woman before I jump into bed with her. I enjoy having dinner with them and letting the sexual tension build before we hit the sheets. The main course without the appetizer never tastes quite as delicious.

  I was with my last girlfriend, Jessica, for five months, but we broke up in June. It was a mutual decision. The passion had burned out and neither of us was broken-hearted about the end of the relationship. Both of us had gone into it knowing it was temporary. Her ability to separate her emotions from physical attraction was what drew me to her in the first place. I wasn’t looking for a messy emotional entanglement and neither was she.

  Since then, there had been a few hook-ups, but after each one, I had been left feeling empty and dissatisfied. It wasn’t because I was pining for Jessica because that vague sense of discontent had been the driving force behind our break-up. Toward the end of the relationship, sex became a chore. I thought it was because I was bored, but now I’m worried it might be physiological.

  Fuck. What if this is permanent?

  No, I really need to go see my doctor about this condition. Maybe I’m going through some sort of early mid-life crisis. God, I hope I’m not going to have to rely on the little blue pill to have a sex life. I shudder.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  The blonde’s whine jars me out of my reverie and I search for the right words to let her know it’s not happening tonight. I don’t remember the last time I turned down sex. What the hell do I say?

  I’m sorry, but I have a headache? I mentally snort. I don’t want to hurt her feelings; I’m not a complete asshole. Gently, I remove her hand from my package.

  “Listen…” Shit, what was her name again? Wendy? Mindy?

  God, maybe I am an asshole after all.

  My phone buzzes in my trousers and I snatch it out my pocket like a lifeline. I grin at seeing my best friend’s ugly mug appear on the screen.

  “Cael, hang on a second.” Pressing the phone against my thigh, I turn to the blonde and pretend to be disappointed. “I’m sorry, sweetheart…” I wince at the generic endearment, but it’s better than calling her by the wrong name. “But I have to take this call. It’s important. Maybe another night?”

  She rubs her barely-covered breasts on my arm and pouts. “I can wait until you finish the call.”

  I should be flattered, but her persistence is starting to annoy me. “Sorry, it’s going to take a while. It has to do with the case I’m working on,” I lie.

  With slitted eyes, she glares balefully at the phone. I extricate myself as gently as I can and flash her a smile. “Sorry. I’ll see you around.” She calls out something behind my back, but I’m already striding away. I doubt she’d have any problems finding a replacement tonight. I already see a few eager men leering in her direction, ready to go in for the kill.

  Waving to my co-workers, I signal that I’m taking off and head to the exit. As soon as I step outside, I suck in a lungful of air to drive out the stale odors in my nostrils. I put the phone to my ear and start to walk.

  “Cael, what’s up?”

  “Can you pick up Maggie from the airport August tenth?” No small talk. No bullshit. That’s pure, distilled Cael Jackson.

  “Hello, sunshine. And how was your day?” Smiling, I stand at the curb and raise my hand to flag down a cab.

  “Fuck you!”

  I chuckle at his aggravated tone and decide to needle him a little more. “My day was fine. Thank you for asking.” A taxi pulls up and I climb in. After giving the driver my address, I lean back.

  A rumbling growl emanates from the phone. “Sean, shut it. Maggie is moving to New York to attend Columbia Medical School next month. Can you make sure she gets settled in? Maybe check in with her once a week after that? I offered to take a few days off to help her move, but she started muttering about overbearing older brothers.” He sounds proud and then exasperated.

  “Fuck! Your sister is going to be a doctor? Where the fuck has the time gone? Now I feel as old as shit.” I try to picture Freckles wearing a stethoscope and a white coat, but the image I conjure up is of a little girl playing dress up.

  When was the last time I saw her? I do a quick calculation in my head. Shit, has it been over four years? That makes Maggie twenty-two-years-old. So goddamn young. At thirty I am not exactly ready to check into a nursing home, but in my soul, I feel fucking ancient.

 
And guilty. I’ve sent her birthday cards and Christmas presents, but I’ve not made any effort to see her in person. Whenever she was in New York, I was out of town and the few times I was in Chicago, she was away at college. I should have made a more concerted effort to see her.

  “Of course I can pick her up. Send me her flight info.” I unbutton my sleeves and roll them up. Even at night, it’s still eighty degrees and muggy.

  “Thanks, Sean. I owe you one.” His relief is palpable even over the phone.

  “Shut the fuck up. She’s like a little sister to me too.” Being an only child, I had not understood sibling dynamics until I spent spring break with the Jacksons and watched Cael interact with Maggie. As soon as I saw her heart-shaped face and big green eyes, I understood why Cael was so protective of her. Maggie is spunky and spirited, ready and willing to give you hell, but underneath her tough exterior, she’s an innocent lamb.

  Some people are born predators and some are born prey. Cael and I are the former and his little sister is the latter. And the more fuckery I see in my life, the more I want to protect innocents like Maggie. It was my driving motivation for joining the NYPD after I graduated college.

  “Thanks all the same. I wouldn’t trust her with anyone else.”

  “What is this? A Bette Midler movie?” I grimace at his show of sentimentality. Normally, Cael’s a cold bastard, but when it comes to his sister, he’s the world’s biggest softie. Never one to deal well with emotions myself, I find myself shifting uncomfortably.

  “You’re such a fucking douchebag,” he grumbles.

  My grin returns at his irritable comeback. “Now you can have your man-card back.” He curses and I chuckle. We live to bait each other. “Where’s Maggie living in the city?”

  “She’s going to move into the dorms so it should be a pretty safe environment. But I want you to run through the dangers of living in New York with her.”

  Did I mention Cael is protective?

  “Don’t worry. I’ll use NYPD stats to put the fear of God in her,” I offer, and since he can’t see me, I allow myself an eye-roll. Chicago’s crime rates are worse than New York’s, but Cael is not in the right frame of mind to listen to reason. Come to think of it, he’s never in the right frame of mind when it comes to his baby sister.